Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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