giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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