got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just invented taco cereal.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
