Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how drunk are you?
Several
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
