My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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