can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
