This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
