I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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