wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
