Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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