one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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