do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
