Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
