Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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