Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
