i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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