if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
