I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
