dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
