you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
