Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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