to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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