THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
