thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
