I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
