You smell like stripper and shame
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
