new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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