she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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