Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
