Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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