I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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