i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
