yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
