when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
