dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
