two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
