Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just tell him i said nine months
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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