so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
