I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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