Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
