remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
