I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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