I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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