my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
