What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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