when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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