she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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