I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this beer tastes like vomit already
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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