Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
