HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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